(MA15+ contains bad language and adult/gross themes, drug references, oh and an insult to royalty)
two4six8! (if you dare)
This week and last, my head has decided to become host to an unimaginable amount of gunk, goop and germs, culminating in an acute case of sinusitis and a miserable bout of associated melancholy. Nice way to start a post about cooking and eating eh? Sorry, but you’ll have to hear me whinge a bit longer. My face hurts and unlike my snot, my words are flowing out. Yesterday I felt ready and willing for the guillotine – ‘off with her head’ – the only cure! Or so I THOUGHT, until somewhere at the intersection of insanity, blocked ears, a face full of ouch, extreme lethargy and total apathy, it came to me! The magic cure was three metres outside my backdoor in the garden. No, not the compost heap or the tree shredder. CHILLIES! Shitloads of really fiery little Thai red chillies (excuse the choice of quantifier/dirty Australianism – but there really were shitloads of them on the bush). I tried nasal sprays, decongestant tablets, vitamin boosters, garlic, inhaling steam, hot showers, hot tea, hot towels, hot soup, ear drops, ear candles, nose-pumps, tea-tree, blowing my nose for 5 minutes straight enduring the dizzy spells that followed. Nothing was getting that gunk out of my head.
So, I made the mother of all sambals. Boy was it hot. Not, ‘oh my, this curry has a bit of bite, doesn’t it, I might need some extra raita’ hot. This stuff would have a proper princess calling out ‘FUCK ME’ and/or other similar/assorted obscenities from the dinner table, wiping her sweaty brow with the table cloth ends, her runny nose with her sleeve! No disrespect to princesses of the world. This is eye-watering, sweat inducing, digestive cleansing, sinus clearing magic of the natural kind!
My Thai Chilli Plant (soon after stripped of red fiery fruit)
I can hear some of you saying “Why would I want to eat something like that”? And my response to you would be firstly, read about the health benefits of eating chillies online and find out for yourself. Then I would say: chilly wussies be warned: this Sambal is no sauce for sissies, I admit it is a bit too hot. BUT, if you have either, a) had a sinus infection for a week, or b) have had a pronounced (how can I put this politely?) lack of ease of movement from the intestinal area below the stomach, then this stuff is for you. Sit down Sudafed, step aside Metamucil. Or c) you don’t have to eat it at all, you can make this chilli paste with far fewer chillies than I have used here and you would have a much milder, still fully flavoured chilli paste which you can eat to build up your capsaicin (element of chillies which makes them HOT) tolerance level SO YOU CAN BE A TOUGH CHILLI EATING MANIAC LIKE ME!
This sambal, although hot, has a wonderful fragrance from the lemongrass and kaffir lime and an intense richness from the belacan (shrimp paste, pronounced ‘bel’acharn’, see link below for more info). It is not just hot for the sake of hot, it is full of amazing flavour!
If you are still scared, there’s no shame in making my spicy pineapple cayenne pepper relish instead – click on the link to go to my recipe.
For the chilli enthusiast and fanatic (the most extreme of whom I am the direct descendent – I attribute my great chilli eating ability to a genetic inheritance from my Dad, who is a staunch atheist but who I am quite certain would prostrate himself at a temple of Tobasco, if there were such a thing), I am sure you have your favourite sources (or should I say, sauces) for getting your fix. But I can highly recommend this recipe for adding to bland foods as it has a really strong, earthy, deep flavour and offers that snakebite burn we all sometimes find ourselves in need of. Dad – it might be a bit much to spread on toast in the mornings. It’s also amazing as the spice base for a stir-fry or curry. I have tried both with awesome results. It could be used sparingly as a condiment in its hottest form.
So, I made this up myself, but I was trying to recreate the sambal they serve at my local Indonesian restaurant (which is excellent by the way – Kuta Beach Indonesian Restaurant in Burleigh Heads). I got pretty close but I think the missing ingredient was… well, I’m not Indonesian. Just as foreigners don’t know how to make vegemite on toast properly, I will probably never get a sambal to taste fully authentic. Any Indonesians out there want to come over and try it? It seems making up your own sambal recipe is the Indonesian/Malaysian thing to do as so many websites and blogs will attest – sambal is one of those regional specialties which varies from place to place and even from household to household. It’s a personal thing. I used lemongrass and kaffir lime leaves from my garden to fragrance this sambal, but I recommend trying out what you think you might like – it’s fun!
Here’s what you’ll need… (I’ve put links to some of the ingredients you may not know)
FOR THE HOT VERSION -
25 hot Thai chillies (pictured below), stems removed
OR, FOR THE MILD VERSION -
2 large, red chillies of the very mild variety (commonly available from the supermarket), stems removed
4-6 hot Thai chillies (removing the seeds will make it milder still), stems removed
AND
1 inch cube piece of Belacan/Terasi
1 tablespoon Kecap Manis
1 tablespoon palm sugar
2-3 cloves garlic (2 large or 3 small)
1/2 large brown onion, diced
1 stick lemongrass, white part only, bruised
4-6 kaffir lime leaves
one tablespoon vegetable oil
one tomato, finely chopped
about a teaspoon of tomato paste
a little water (about a tablespoon)
Ingredients (kecap manis not pictured - the lemongrass is back there somewhere - oops!)
Here’s what you do…
1) Wrap the piece of Belacan/Terasi in foil and place in a hot pan, turning frequently, for around 3-4 minutes. Toasting the belacan takes away the devilish pong and changes the texture from gooey to dry.
This stuff stinks to high heaven! But don't worry, it tastes amazing.
Toasting shrimp paste (insert drug reference here)
2) Place all ingredients, except the lemongrass and kaffir lime leaves, in a mortar and pound and grind the mixture until you get a smooth paste with no big lumps. BE CAREFUL – IF BITS OF THE MIXTURE SPIT OUT AT YOU IT WILL BURN. I RECOMMEND WEARING GLASSES/SUNGLASSES WHILE YOU DO THIS TO PROTECT YOUR EYES. If you use an electric food processor – be careful when opening the lid – the aroma can burn your nostrils and hurt your eyes, so wait a while before removing the lid and don’t stick your nose in close for a smell! Most importantly, if you touch this mixture with your fingers – do not touch your eyes or rudie nudie bits.
Wear glasses for this step, or alternatively, a motorbike rider's helmet - visor down!
Smash, smash, smashity smash
3) Stir in the vegetable oil and spoon mixture into a non-stick pan. Add the lemongrass and kaffir lime leaves along with a little water and cook over medium heat, stirring frequently, until almost all the liquid is gone. After about 10-15 minutes the sambal should be dark in colour, shiny, sticky and jam-like. Remove the lemongrass and lime leaves (they will have fragranced the paste really well – thank you and good bye).
Stir until sticky and dark in colour
4) Remove from the heat and allow to cool before eating. Store in a sterilised glass jar or air-tight plastic container in the fridge. It should last quite a long time if the jar is not contaminated (this means you must always use a clean spoon to get the sambal from the jar).
two4six8! (if you dare)
KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN!
Tags: chilli paste, hot sambal, indonesian sambal, sambal
Recent Comments